you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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