my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
