Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
