It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize