I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
