that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize