Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
