I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
