She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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