Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
