Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
MIDGETS
????
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
