I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
