you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
