I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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