Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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