I heard we made out
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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