I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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