she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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