remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
