obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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