i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
