haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
