He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
