so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
