So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
