And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
