I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
