I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
