fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
