he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize