i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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