thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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