I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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