Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
