Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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