finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
