Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
