I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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