Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
