I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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