She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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