he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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