so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
