Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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