after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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