ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize