so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
