When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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