We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
