I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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