Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
