i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
