you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize