I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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