oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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