its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
