ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
