He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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