She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
