It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
