so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
