Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
