Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
