youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
