If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
